Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
