You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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