we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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