billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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