THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
