My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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