from now on my penis is your penis
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize