Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
