I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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