last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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