i jhust puked up my retainher.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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