there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
