I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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