I just cut my nipple shaving
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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