i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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