she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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