i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
