Old men and throwing up are my life now.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
