So drunk, too bad you don't want this
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There's always time for handjobs
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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