Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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