South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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