respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
