take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Come share oat with me in your robe
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
