I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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