i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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