Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
