my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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