Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
