Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
