Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
