Please don't use social media to get back at me.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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