Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
