i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
