i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
