i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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