Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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