He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
