and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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