38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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