You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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