I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
