I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
as a side note pls kill me
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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