just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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