I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
