So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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