you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
