I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
