my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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