i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
