Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
