I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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