I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
