Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
