she smelled like a LAN party
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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