If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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