and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
