id be glad to
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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