If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
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Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
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Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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