No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
