thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
